Sticks And Stones

Ever since I was a little girl, a certain phrase has been instilled in me..."sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." And while most children just believe that's a fun saying or something to tell their "enemies" to get them to leave them alone, I guess you could say I took it to heart.

I believe the first time my mama told it to me, it was probably over something my older sister had said to me. We fought all the time and were constantly saying hurtful things to each other. Because she was older and a little bit wiser, she always had the better comebacks and I was the one who usually took the brunt of our spats. Who would have known that the fighting would have lasted somewhere around 20 years? I'm sure there will be more arguments to come, but as far as hurtful things go, we're pretty much done with that.

Then grade school started and as you probably noticed, I put quotations around the word "enemies" in the first paragraph. That's because as most of you know that in grade school, your best friend is your friend one day and your enemy the next. And as I also mentioned taking that phrase to heart...did you think it was easy as that? That I was a 5-year-old who could just let anything roll off her shoulders without a care in the world? No, I was hurt emotionally. And as most little girls who eventually grow up to be teenagers, I learned that the emotional pain only got worse. I absolutely hated high school, I had been in home school for 6th and 7th grade and when I went back to public school at 13, I was ready to crawl under a rock and die. All of my old friends just weren't the same, I wasn't the same, I had spent 2 years with adults for the majority of the time and everyone in my class seemed way immature.

Okay, so that's straying a little from the path, but I had to paint you the pretty little picture. Now I must say, I didn't have a horrible life in high school, my life was pretty awesome for the most part, but I just couldn't get over how words could come out of people's mouths without a second thought as to how it would affect someone else. And I have to admit, sometimes I was the person who didn't give the second thought. So once again, this wasn't something that resonated immediately, it took quite a bit of time.

Eventually, by the time I got to college--which come to find out, I LOVED--it really started to sink in. I realized how much I had been hurt and how I had hurt others just by some stupid words that were said in the heat of the moment. I also realized that the majority of the time, the things I had said, I didn't mean...I had said them for the simple purpose of hurting the other person.

So wait a minute...if I was only saying things to hurt someone, they were probably only saying what they had said to hurt me, right? About 99% of the time, the answer is yes. Why not 100% of the time? Well, sometimes people really are ugly or they really do smell bad or maybe they really are poor. This doesn't justify someone saying it out loud to hurt the person, but this makes up for that other 1% (and usually in these cases, they are still just trying to hurt you).

Now, how did I let it roll off my back, you ask? I'll tell you. It's taken years and years of practice. I'm a pretty chubby girl and I've always been honest with myself about it. So when someone might tell me I'm fat, I didn't think anything of it because I knew it was true. I'm not the prettiest girl, my teeth aren't straight and white, my nose is slightly crooked, my eyes are kind of a lame color and my cheeks are really rosy. But you have to learn to own it. Be confident in who you are. If you want to change the way you look to make you feel more confident, that's fine. I feel better with myself when my hair is straight and cute and perfect and I have nice clothes on. But I can't always afford the newest nicest clothes and even when I have time to straighten my hair, it doesn't always look as it does when my hair stylist does it. But I know that I don't give up until I'm comfortable with the way I look if that's what I'm going for.

To me, confidence is one of the most attractive things in a girl or a guy. I'm not really looking for a relationship because I'm too career-minded at the moment, but that's what I look for in friendships. Are you confident? Do you like who you are? Can you own it like you're the most amazing person on the planet? Well, maybe not that last one, because there aren't many people on this earth who can do that. A lot of the time I can't even do that. I just don't know how to explain it. Some people call me conceited, a princess, a diva, but I just have this confidence in myself that I can do anything or be anything I want to be if I set my mind to it. I've always set goals for myself and if I for sure set that goal, you can almost guarantee it will be achieved.

Okay, straying from the path again. Back to that sticks and stones thing...over the last few years, I've heard some pretty awful things said about me or the people I hang out with. But it's usually just hearsay, they haven't said it to our faces. Now whether to believe it's true or not, that's up to you. But let's just say they're true. Now take a second, step back and think...is what they're really saying true about me? If you can honestly answer yes, you can change it or you can own it. If the answer is no, then they're just saying it to hurt you and make you look bad. But they usually end up making themselves look like idiots. So take that into consideration. Another thing you need to think about is...take another step back (humor me, it's for dramatic effect)...if they hate you so much, you probably don't care for them much either, so what are you saying about them? Probably some not so nice things, but see the vicious cycle. You don't mean most of those things you say, you just like saying them to make yourself feel better. Something else I thought of...if these people don't mean anything to you, why should you even be taking into consideration the things that they say, good or bad? If you don't have a meaningful place in my life, I really don't care what you have to say about me. I just really think it's hilarious that people spend amounts of time thinking some of these things up. Do they not have a life?

Now, I have a rule of thumb that I don't say hurtful things about others unless I know the person I'm saying it to feels the same way. That way, it's probably just gonna stay in your circle and it will be a little inside joke between you and your friends. And if they happen to see it on your Twitter account...well, that's their problem, they shouldn't have been stalking your Twitter account in the first place.

Now you're probably wondering what brought this on? Well, on Sunday, Gammy got mad at pretty much everyone in our family and she asked me a few questions that she wasn't ready to hear the answers to, so I was honest with her. She wanted to know why no one wanted to be around her, so I told her I didn't know if it was her radiation treatments or what, but she was being extra hateful lately and everyone in our family had seen a drastic change over the last week. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, blaming it on the radiation. So she tells me that she hopes Jesus gives me the "pleasure" of dealing with cancer like she is. And while hearing that from my grandmother is a little different than hearing it from a stranger, I knew she was just angry, so I just let it go. I turned around an walked off. When I told my sister about it, she asked if I was okay. I laughed and told her yeah, it didn't really even phase me. I found it slightly funny then and even funnier now because Gammy probably doesn't even remember that.

So just keep in mind, sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you (unless you let them). So keep your head held high, stay confident, stick with your pack and if all else fails...have a shot of tequila ;)