Is This Really My Life?

So yesterday, I was a little down...okay, a lot down. I don't know if it was because I was running on 3 hours of sleep or that I was helping mom drag Jaxie and Lulu around Fort Smith while Gammy was in chemo or what. But I was feeling hopeless...I described this feeling to my friend Aroo (Amanda) as waiting to drown. As if I'm treading water, but I know I'm eventually going to drown anyway.

But then this morning I'm looking at my pictures from the last two weeks (and there's a lot) and I'm thinking "Is this really my life?" I feel so blessed to be able to have the experiences I've had, not just in the last two weeks, but pretty much since middle school.

It's been exactly two weeks since the official kickoff to General Hospital Fan Club Weekend. It was pretty much an entire weekend of hanging out with some of my best friends and some of the amazing actors from General Hospital. I was also blessed enough to make a bunch of new friends. No one else from my hometown gets to do stuff like that. Honestly, most of them wouldn't set foot in LA if you paid them!

Did I mention how beyond amazing my friends are? I've really needed a friend (or 10) here lately on any given day. Just to talk to or cry on their shoulder or whatever. And most of them have stepped up to take this crazy ride with me and my family without asking questions. It sounds selfish because I'm not the one fighting cancer, but pretty much everyone in our family is dealing with a lot. And of everyone in my family, I think I have the best support system. Funny thing is, the ones who have been there for me the most all live in different states. I have four amazing moms in Florida, besties in Nebraska, Arizona and Rhode Island and even more friends in New York, California, Connecticut, Massachusetts and Oregon. And yes, I'm closer with them than I am with the majority of my friends in Oklahoma. I talk to them more than I talk to friends who live in my hometown.

They were especially great during FCW when I was able to let loose and not think about what was going on at home. The first day, they asked about how everything was, but after that, we just had fun and left our worries behind. To all my friends in the states listed above, whether you were at FCW or not, thank you for being THE BEST!

On top of all of this, Mom and I went to see Tim McGraw on Tuesday. We had passes to the pre-party concert, but we get there and find out it was too hot for a pre-party. They had even pushed the entire concert back an hour to allow the temp to drop just a few degrees. When the show started at 8 PM, it was still 108 degrees. How sucky is that? Not to worry though, Tim's people didn't let us down. You see, if you have pre-party passes, it's pretty much like sound check passes. You don't get to meet him, you don't get autographs, but it's still an awesome experience. So we had wristbands and were told to meet at 8:10 in a certain spot. So they take us (along with a small group of green wrist-banded people) backstage. To make up for not having a pre-party, we got to meet Tim! It was short, but sweet. He asked us what our names were and we told him and he takes Mama's hand and starts singing "Linda On My Mind" by Conway Twitty. Um, I almost died, I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind. Then we took the pic and he hugged me and as we were walking off, he is still singing that song. The ladies in line behind us were jealous. So luckily, we only missed the Eden's Edge set and made it back out in time for Luke Bryan. I was one person away from the catwalk and lost track of Mama. She had a mind of her own that night and I just let her go wild, as I was able to at FCW. It was something she definitely needed.

However, we didn't get home until almost 3 and had to be on our way to chemo by 8. I don't know how much sleep she got, but I slept from 4-7 and was completely exhausted. But looking back, it was pretty much worth it.

Do you ever stop and ask yourself if you are really blessed enough to live the life you're living? Are you living your life to the fullest and doing everything in your power to make it the best it can be? I don't have a bucket list, but if I did a lot of things would already be checked off of it. To anyone reading this, I want you to be able to at least once in your life be able to step back and just say "Wow, this is really my life. I am so blessed to have this life!" Even in the trials, you can still feel blessed. Just ask my family :)