Anywhere But Here

So I've kinda been slacking on the blogging, but to be honest, I don't wanna bother you with my depression. It's only gotten worse since the last blog, but I have a few things I need to get out.

Do you ever feel like you don't belong? I'm sure just about everyone has felt this at one point or another, so on to question two. Have you ever felt like you don't belong with your own family? I think this is a little less common. Let's be honest, I should've been outta here almost 2 years ago, graduating college and moving on with my life. Instead, I'm still here, helping take care of my family and making my way through my undergrad at an excruciatingly slow pace. Don't get me wrong, I love this extra time I'm spending with my nieces and nephews, because most aunts don't get that luxury.

However, as the days go on, the less I feel like I'm part of this family. I'm not sure if that's on me or them. A little of both, I suppose. My parents have each other, even though my dad isn't here much. And so when they get to see each other, they don't really want to be around anyone else. I'm sure they don't mean it, but when I need to make a trip to Wal-Mart with them, I feel super unwelcome, like it's killing them to take me with them. My sister has her kids, so that's an automatic family unit. Plus she lives with my parents, so that kinda bonds them. Then there's my grandparents, who I live with. Gammy has told me I should move out on countless occasions. Yeah, I would've been gone a LONG time ago if I could've kept my job. I feel more welcome at Kambrye's house than I do here.

So I'm reconsidering my options, because remember those plans A,B,C, and D for Nashville? Yeah, I've given up. I'm done, finished, ain't gonna happen. I can be independent, but I do need help to get where I need to be and I'm not getting it here, so we gotta figure something else out. I'm taking any and all ideas on this matter, so let me know :)

Another thing that goes along with the paragraph before last. So once again, being the nice daughter, I bought my mom this Reba ticket. Aunt T, Nikki, Lauren, her sisters and I think mom are all going are all going, as well. So it's gonna be a super fun night. I was thinking we would take my car when my dad brought it home this weekend, so Gammy and Da-dad would have their van. We could stay the night at Aunt T's or come home that night, fun night. Much to my dismay, my mom had other plans. We're taking the van up there and meeting my dad at Aunt T's, because heaven forbid we just have a girls' night, right? Yeah, so my dad is helping my uncle do something at their house this weekend. So my parents make plans to stay at my aunt's house without even consulting me (see where I'm starting to feel like an outsider?). So this makes my aunt have a full house and I would have to sleep on the floor, which because of my back, I cannot do. Not my aunt's fault, but I think it's inconsiderate my parents would do that to me. When I say something to my mom about it, she tells me I can either find somewhere else to stay or drive home by myself. Driving home by myself after concerts in Tulsa is no big deal to me, I do it all the time. I just find it rude that I buy my mom this ticket just for her to make plans excluding me. I have another aunt and uncle I can stay with, they have made it perfectly clear that I can stay at their house anytime, but I'll probably come home so Gammy and Da-dad won't be home without a vehicle.

Am I being a whiny baby about this? Maybe so, but I'm tired of being walked all over because I'm too nice to speak my mind. I'm probably gonna piss some people off with this, but I'm starting to not care at this point, because they've been pissing me off for awhile now. Sorry I'm not sorry.