Giving Thanks

As I sit here in the last few hours of this wonderful holiday, I think it's time for me to give a little thanks.

First of all, I'm super thankful that I didn't have much time to sit down and write a blog until 10 o'clock on Thanksgiving night. When the day began at 12:00 AM, I was sitting in a movie theater with my sister, nephew and best friend, watching the end of an era...the last movie to the Twilight Saga. As tears ran down my face (yes, I'm a big baby), I knew I couldn't be happier to be where I was. I was able to get home, get a few hours of sleep before getting up at 9 to get ready for our family tradition.

First, I spent a little while with Jaxie and Lulu, watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Mostly just watching it because the kids were convinced that Summer was going to be IN the parade instead of sitting on the sidelines. After that, we got ready and headed to the Choctaw Nation Community Center in Stigler to celebrate Thanksgiving with Da-dad's part of our family, which is a blessing within itself. Since the matriarch of our family (Charlotte) passed away nearly 2 years ago, getting all of the family together has seemed like a much bigger task than it did in the past. But once again, we (mostly Jennifer) were able to get all of our ducks in a row to celebrate together. We've been doing this for more than half my life, and I can't imagine spending Thanksgiving without them, nor would I want to.

I am ridiculously thankful for my friends, the ones who've stuck by me even in my darkest hour, who put up with me even when I'm being unreasonable and dramatic, and the ones who know how to make hundreds or thousands of miles seem like just around the corner because we talk so much. Amber is the one I can be goofy with, we've been through a lot, but I don't know what I would do without her and her girls. Kaitlin, the one who knows me better than I know myself, the one I can always count on. Kinsey, the person who is most like a sister to me, we fight, bicker, and annoy each other at times, but no matter what, we've managed to work through everything that life has thrown at us. Most of the time, we are silly and talk about random, pointless things. Bianca, the one I go to when I'm feeling down and need encouragement. She's almost always happy, and when you're around her, you can't help but be happy too. Summer, who I can tell anything too, and always knows the right thing to say, and when to say it. She would do just about anything for me, as I would for her. Faith, who is seriously one of my biggest inspirations. She makes me want to strive to be better in all things I do. She is not perfect, by any means, but she puts her all into everything she does, and I look up to her so much for that. She is always there for me, whether we're just talking about dumb stuff, or listening to me complain about people. THANKS to all of you (and for all the rest of my friends too) for being there for me. You all bring something different to the table, and while my relationship with each of you may be different, I love you all the same.

I want to give a huge thanks for my family, especially those who have supported me through this last year. The ones who haven't given up on me and let me make my own decisions, instead of telling me what I "should" be doing or what I could be doing better. I give my all in everything I do, and I won't accept anything less than what I deserve. I have worked hard in school for nearly 19 years, I may have lost my way, but I haven't screwed up, I've always made the decisions I felt were best for me at the time, and I don't regret any of it. Most people my age are married, divorced, married again, have a few kids. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it makes life a little harder. I've chosen to take the road less traveled, and while some people think there's something wrong with me because of it, my family support my decision to not have those things at this moment in time. My Gammy and Da-dad helped take care of me from birth until I was 12, then after that, they took me into their home full-time and raised me, and they continue to take care of me today. While things aren't always easy, I make sure they know that I appreciate them for making that sacrifice to raise me and me sister. My parents have helped me quite a bit over the last year, making things a little easier financially as I search for a job. My sister for letting me be her shadow. I never thought we would be this close, but we are. She supports me in all aspects of my life. My Uncle Bill and Aunt Cheryl have always stood by me and respected my decisions. They give me advice when it comes to decision-making, and I cherish that advice, because they always have my best interest at heart. They've taken me under their wing and done so much for me over the last few years. They've never failed me.

And of course my nieces and nephews, Riley, Jaxie, Lulu, Yazzie, Lizzy and Charleigh. I have so much love for all of them. Sometimes I want to beat their butts, but they've taught me so much about life and how to love unconditionally.

I am also thankful to live in a country where I am free. I know that freedom comes at a price, and I never forget that. I have so many men and women in my life who have fought for my freedom, and that's something I could never thank them enough for.

Ignorance Is Bliss

So I guess it's probably recent occurrences that got me thinking this, but it was something I felt like sharing. I just have to say how blessed I feel that God didn't give us the power to know what's going to happen in the future. I mean, there are people who claim to predict the future, and if you believe them, that's fine, no worries. But they can't predict the exact moment something is going to happen.

Take death for instance, do you think we would be better off if we knew the exact moment we (or those around us) are set to die? Would you live life to the fullest or do everything in your power to stop it from happening? Maybe you would do something simple like tell someone you loved them an extra time or gave someone a tighter squeeze when you hugged them. But we don't know these things.

Then there's other things like relationships, careers, good things, bad things. Getting in a relationship is a huge gamble. Yeah, it may seem like a good idea at the time, but down the road, it could end in disaster. Or you could take a job in a city far away, they promise you all these good things, the job seems promising so you go take out a loan to buy a new car. A month later, the company goes belly up and you lose your job, your car and you're back to square one. You may look back on these decisions as the worst decisions of your life.

Now, let's not be totally negative. As stated before, I am a total and complete cynic when it comes to relationships. I just can't put that kind of trust into someone because I am constantly being let down by those close to me that I've already put trust into. But that's the beauty of this crazy thing we call life. I really don't plan on getting married (also, as stated before, I don't say I will NEVER get married), but that may not be the plan God has for me. He may put that perfect guy in my path who will change my feelings on relationships, who knows. If we knew that all relationships were going to fail, would we never take a chance? Never let ourselves get close with anyone? Possibly make some reckless decisions? Maybe...or maybe not. That's something you don't know.

A couple months ago, I had the opportunity to submit an application for a dream job in Santa Monica, CA. This would have quite possibly been the biggest gamble of my life. I was absolutely terrified as I was filling out the application. I had no earthly idea how I was going to make it work if I happened to get the job. How would I ever be able to move to LA on my own, thousands of miles away from my family and the life I've been living for 24 years? I ended up not getting the job (obviously, because I'm still in Oklahoma). But if I had never turned in that job application, what would I be doing right now? For those of you who know me well, know that I would've been kicking myself and saying "what if I HAD turned that application in?" You just have to take those chances because you don't even know. And ya know what, even though I didn't get the job, I wasn't upset, because at least I tried. At least I gave it a shot, I was able to walk away with absolutely no regrets.

So this is just a random thought that came through my mind yesterday (happens a lot when I drive by myself), but I hope it made you think a little. Worrying about the future and wondering what's going to happen tomorrow, or next week, is a waste of time. With that said, I still do these things sometimes, I'm not perfect, but I try not to worry. You have to live in this moment, don't get ahead of yourself, don't waste time thinking about tomorrow. Like I said, I feel SO blessed that I don't know what tomorrow brings. Because if I knew, I might be able to make it better, but 9 times out of 10 I would probably be wasting the NOW just worrying about tomorrow.

It just makes life a lot more exciting when you don't know what's going to happen next. And it's pretty fun to look back on your life a year ago or five years ago or ten years ago and think "wow...I didn't see myself where I am today," whether it be good or bad. I have some pretty amazing people in my life and I couldn't imagine life without them. But I don't know if they're going to be a part of my life in a year or a month, or maybe I'll be the one walking out of their life. You might gain a new friend or family member, you may find your soul mate. See what I mean when I say it makes life more exciting? Ignorance truly is bliss.

Hang In There

Wow...so it's been a rough month, to say the least. Lots of joy and sorrow all mixed into one making for an emotional roller coaster. I know I haven't updated in quite awhile, but things have been so crazy.

First I'll catch you up to speed on what's happened since my last REAL post. I graduated college in May (FINALLY) and am currently looking for a job. I'm getting pretty desperate at this point. June and July flew by like nobody's business. I got to spend a week in LA with most of my friends, and as always, we had a blast and made tons of new memories. In August, I got the chance to go back to LA for two days, but this time I was flying solo (with the exception of spending part of one day with my friend Chrissie and her son Danny) because I had to take a test for a prospective job that I did not get. Um, I think that may be all the big happenings in my life.

So let's go back to about a month ago, August 28th to be exact. My great-great Aunt Helen passed away and while I hadn't seen her in many years, her death took an emotional toll on me. But it seemed like God was just preparing me for what was to come over the following month.

Six days later, a little boy with a heart condition, who I have been following his story for about a year, passed away at a hospital in Cincinnati. His name was Liam and he still holds a special place in my heart. He was born in February 2011 with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which basically meant he had half of a heart. I first heard of Liam through a friend of mine, who also had a daughter born with a similar heart condition. I started following his Facebook page around October of last year, and he quickly stole my heart. In May of this year, Gammy got a new home health nurse named Jamie. And I'm not really sure what brought it up, but Gammy realized her new nurse was Liam's Aunt Jamie (if you've followed Liam, you know who that is). Our family just thought the world of Jamie, she's not only taken care of my grandparents, but she would come in and play with the kids and talk to them and talk to us and tell us about things Liam had been doing as of late. And so we felt like Jamie (and Liam) was part of our family. Unfortunately, after 18 months of fighting for his life, God called Liam home. And while it broke our hearts, we knew that he was no longer struggling or in pain. I really didn't know how attached I had gotten to Liam, because I had never met this child in person, I only knew him through Facebook posts and pictures because he had only been out of the hospital for 10 days of his 18-month life. But it absolutely crushed me. He's been gone 23 days now and I still find myself on the brink of tears at any given moment. I do pretty good when I'm around people because I don't like to cry in public, but sometimes it's impossible. That's part of the reason I hadn't written about him earlier because it's taken me this long to not fall completely apart by talking about him. This kiddo changed my life. He taught me so much in the short time I knew him.

So in the midst of all of this, my nephews and oldest niece celebrated their birthdays and niece #3 celebrated an awesome milestone! Lizzy hit the 6-month mark on the 8th, Jaxie turned 5 on the 11th, Lulu turned 3 on the 17th and Riley turned 9 yesterday. I couldn't imagine not having them in my life, like seriously. They've helped me survive these last few weeks by just being who they are. On the 15th, we were able to go to the zoo with a bunch of friends and family to have a birthday party. Kinz got to come down from Kansas City and spend the weekend, so I think that helped get me out of the biggest part of this emotional rut I've been in.

Then, this past week has been a little tough again. Friday night, Nessa, Gammy, Callie and I went on a little shopping trip and out to dinner. We got home to find out one of Stigler High School's senior football player's, Gordon Parsons, committed suicide. I didn't know this kid, I had never met him, but I had quite a few friends who were friends with him. I grew up with his stepsister, my 2nd grade teacher was his stepmom. Some of the kids I used to babysit were some of his best friends. So it was a tough situation. Like I said, I didn't know him, but I didn't have to in order to feel the hurt that those close to me were feeling. I've always been the fixer...you come to me with your problems, whether it be emotional, mental, physical, big, small, disastrous, whatever...I will do anything and everything in my power to fix it. That's just my nature, I'm pretty sure I've been that way all my life. But to know that there are so many people hurting and asking why this happened, it kills me to know that I can't fix it for them. There's nothing I can do to make them feel better. Even I find myself asking why. What was going on in his darkest moment to make him want to take his own life? As it was stated in the news paper, there were SO many people at his funeral yesterday, he was definitely a loved and admired person. Who knows why it happened. One of his best friends died in a car wreck back in July, some have speculated that could be part of the reason. Otherwise, he really gave no indication that something was wrong. I know that one day, we'll get to Heaven and we'll be able to ask why, and we'll get that answer and it will all make sense, but until then, we're left to wonder. They said they played the Rascal Flatts' song "Why" at the funeral, listening to it just broke my heart, because it's so dang accurate, he had everything going for him, but as the song goes "why'd you leave the stage in the middle of a song?" Until then, pray for the kids at SHS, because they hadn't even began to heal from Cory's death in July and now to add Gordon's to it, I couldn't even imagine.

And Saturday, one of my best friend's Granny passed away. She's never been one to show her emotions either (one of many reasons we're friends), but when I talked to her on the phone that day when she was headed to the hospital to be with her Granny, she was crying, and my heart broke. Once again, that need for fixing things returned. I just wanted to hug her until the pain went away. So today was the funeral, she called me this morning to see if I could babysit her nephew. I jumped at the opportunity, because even though it was something small, it made me feel good that there was actually SOMETHING I could do to help out.

Some people don't realize this about me, but like I said, I'm a fixer. After this last month, I realized if I wasn't helping someone out or solving someone else's problems or just talking through a crazy situation, I don't know what I would do. I would problem be in a crying heap on the floor, in all honesty. That's just my type of personality, so please never feel like you can't come to me for help. Because like I said before, I will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in my power to help you. And if you've managed to stick with me through this entire blog post, I'm guessing I probably mean something to you, which probably means you mean a heck of a lot to me too!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep these families and friends in your prayers, because life's tough enough to start out with, but when you lose someone close to you, it seems ten times harder. And do me a favor, if you see someone you haven't seen in awhile, give 'em a "hey, how ya doing?" or maybe even a hug. It could make a world of difference. And never pass up a chance to tell someone that you love them or how much they mean to you, because you're not promised tomorrow or next month or even the next hour.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not depressed or anything, this was simply a reflective thing. I do get very sad at times, but in my adolescent life, I've never had to deal with a death of someone who hasn't lived a long and happy life, where you're left wondering why it happened. So this is a whole new experience to me.

A Fact For Every Year

So it's been awhile since I've posted and I decided to do a random update. Since this is my blog, we're going to focus on some random facts about me, because who doesn't love random, pointless facts about people? Okay, not everyone, but if you clicked the link, you must be a LITTLE bit interested in my random facts. Because I'm 24, we'll do a fact for every year.

1. I am certified to drive a forklift.

2. When I was 15, I went to Disney World the week "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" was released. I begged my best friend's dad to go to the store and buy it for me. I never finished the "Order of the Phoenix" and never really had the desire to read another Harry Potter book.
3. I've been without a car for the better part of a year and have been driven everywhere just about any time I've been in a car. So now when I do drive, I get anxious.

4. I prefer strawberry jelly over grape and crunchy peanut butter over creamy.
5. I'm usually not one to initiate a conversation unless I have something to say, especially if it's like on instant messenger. I love random conversation, but I don't like to be the one to start it up because I feel like I'm bothering people.
6. I am extremely cynical about relationships and I really have no desire to get married or ever be in a serious relationship. I'm not saying I will NEVER get married, I just really don't want to.
7. I have some awful trust issues.
8. It annoys the crap out of me when people pretend they're listening when they're really not. To me, it's less disrespectful for you to tell me to shut up.
9. Even though I've never lived in Arkansas, I support Razorback Athletics over any Oklahoma college team.
10. SEC Football is life, the rest of NCAA Football is pretty good too, but I don't watch NFL Football.
11. I don't keep up with the NBA until the semi-finals, but I will always support my Thunder :)
12. I can't remember what it feels like to not have a headache. I've had one every day of my life since I was seven.
13. People who jump on every band wagon that passes by annoy me. If you've jumped on a few here or there, I'm fine with that. I usually try not to though.
14. I hate when it takes more brain cells to decipher a text than it does to read it. If I have to spend 10 seconds or more trying to figure out what you're saying to me because you shorten every single word, I'm probably not gonna reply to you.
15. The thought or smell of dill pickles makes me wanna puke.
16. When I was little, I spent so much time in the pool and sun in the summertime that my hair would be nearly blonde by the end of summer.
17. I have a bit of a brand obsession with Reebok Realflex. I want a million pairs :)
18. I get bored easily, so when someone asks me to go somewhere--unless I feel like crap--I rarely say no because I'm always afraid I'll be bored while they're gone.
19. I'm the type of person who would rather spend money on experiences (travel, concerts, etc.) than things (shoes, clothes, electronics). The memories you make are more valuable than items you may forget about in a few years.
20. My Pokemon-obsessed 4-year-old nephew has reverted me back to my 12-year-old ways when it comes to that stuff. While I'm not collecting cards and such, I really miss the days of playing Pokemon Yellow and Red on GameBoy. I'm a bit of a nerd.
21. Summertime is my favorite time of the year. I love the sun and the hot weather, shorts and tank tops, watermelon and BBQ. I would take the sweating year round over freezing to death in the winter time.
22. If I'm upset, the LAST thing you want to do is ask me what's wrong. That's just asking to get your own feelings hurt.
23. I hate tomatoes, but love tomato soup, ketchup, marinara sauce and all that good stuff.
24. I'm the type of person who hates when my favorite song on an album becomes a single because that means everyone will be singing it. There are very few people I will share my not-so-well-known music with.

Sticks And Stones

Ever since I was a little girl, a certain phrase has been instilled in me..."sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." And while most children just believe that's a fun saying or something to tell their "enemies" to get them to leave them alone, I guess you could say I took it to heart.

I believe the first time my mama told it to me, it was probably over something my older sister had said to me. We fought all the time and were constantly saying hurtful things to each other. Because she was older and a little bit wiser, she always had the better comebacks and I was the one who usually took the brunt of our spats. Who would have known that the fighting would have lasted somewhere around 20 years? I'm sure there will be more arguments to come, but as far as hurtful things go, we're pretty much done with that.

Then grade school started and as you probably noticed, I put quotations around the word "enemies" in the first paragraph. That's because as most of you know that in grade school, your best friend is your friend one day and your enemy the next. And as I also mentioned taking that phrase to heart...did you think it was easy as that? That I was a 5-year-old who could just let anything roll off her shoulders without a care in the world? No, I was hurt emotionally. And as most little girls who eventually grow up to be teenagers, I learned that the emotional pain only got worse. I absolutely hated high school, I had been in home school for 6th and 7th grade and when I went back to public school at 13, I was ready to crawl under a rock and die. All of my old friends just weren't the same, I wasn't the same, I had spent 2 years with adults for the majority of the time and everyone in my class seemed way immature.

Okay, so that's straying a little from the path, but I had to paint you the pretty little picture. Now I must say, I didn't have a horrible life in high school, my life was pretty awesome for the most part, but I just couldn't get over how words could come out of people's mouths without a second thought as to how it would affect someone else. And I have to admit, sometimes I was the person who didn't give the second thought. So once again, this wasn't something that resonated immediately, it took quite a bit of time.

Eventually, by the time I got to college--which come to find out, I LOVED--it really started to sink in. I realized how much I had been hurt and how I had hurt others just by some stupid words that were said in the heat of the moment. I also realized that the majority of the time, the things I had said, I didn't mean...I had said them for the simple purpose of hurting the other person.

So wait a minute...if I was only saying things to hurt someone, they were probably only saying what they had said to hurt me, right? About 99% of the time, the answer is yes. Why not 100% of the time? Well, sometimes people really are ugly or they really do smell bad or maybe they really are poor. This doesn't justify someone saying it out loud to hurt the person, but this makes up for that other 1% (and usually in these cases, they are still just trying to hurt you).

Now, how did I let it roll off my back, you ask? I'll tell you. It's taken years and years of practice. I'm a pretty chubby girl and I've always been honest with myself about it. So when someone might tell me I'm fat, I didn't think anything of it because I knew it was true. I'm not the prettiest girl, my teeth aren't straight and white, my nose is slightly crooked, my eyes are kind of a lame color and my cheeks are really rosy. But you have to learn to own it. Be confident in who you are. If you want to change the way you look to make you feel more confident, that's fine. I feel better with myself when my hair is straight and cute and perfect and I have nice clothes on. But I can't always afford the newest nicest clothes and even when I have time to straighten my hair, it doesn't always look as it does when my hair stylist does it. But I know that I don't give up until I'm comfortable with the way I look if that's what I'm going for.

To me, confidence is one of the most attractive things in a girl or a guy. I'm not really looking for a relationship because I'm too career-minded at the moment, but that's what I look for in friendships. Are you confident? Do you like who you are? Can you own it like you're the most amazing person on the planet? Well, maybe not that last one, because there aren't many people on this earth who can do that. A lot of the time I can't even do that. I just don't know how to explain it. Some people call me conceited, a princess, a diva, but I just have this confidence in myself that I can do anything or be anything I want to be if I set my mind to it. I've always set goals for myself and if I for sure set that goal, you can almost guarantee it will be achieved.

Okay, straying from the path again. Back to that sticks and stones thing...over the last few years, I've heard some pretty awful things said about me or the people I hang out with. But it's usually just hearsay, they haven't said it to our faces. Now whether to believe it's true or not, that's up to you. But let's just say they're true. Now take a second, step back and think...is what they're really saying true about me? If you can honestly answer yes, you can change it or you can own it. If the answer is no, then they're just saying it to hurt you and make you look bad. But they usually end up making themselves look like idiots. So take that into consideration. Another thing you need to think about is...take another step back (humor me, it's for dramatic effect)...if they hate you so much, you probably don't care for them much either, so what are you saying about them? Probably some not so nice things, but see the vicious cycle. You don't mean most of those things you say, you just like saying them to make yourself feel better. Something else I thought of...if these people don't mean anything to you, why should you even be taking into consideration the things that they say, good or bad? If you don't have a meaningful place in my life, I really don't care what you have to say about me. I just really think it's hilarious that people spend amounts of time thinking some of these things up. Do they not have a life?

Now, I have a rule of thumb that I don't say hurtful things about others unless I know the person I'm saying it to feels the same way. That way, it's probably just gonna stay in your circle and it will be a little inside joke between you and your friends. And if they happen to see it on your Twitter account...well, that's their problem, they shouldn't have been stalking your Twitter account in the first place.

Now you're probably wondering what brought this on? Well, on Sunday, Gammy got mad at pretty much everyone in our family and she asked me a few questions that she wasn't ready to hear the answers to, so I was honest with her. She wanted to know why no one wanted to be around her, so I told her I didn't know if it was her radiation treatments or what, but she was being extra hateful lately and everyone in our family had seen a drastic change over the last week. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, blaming it on the radiation. So she tells me that she hopes Jesus gives me the "pleasure" of dealing with cancer like she is. And while hearing that from my grandmother is a little different than hearing it from a stranger, I knew she was just angry, so I just let it go. I turned around an walked off. When I told my sister about it, she asked if I was okay. I laughed and told her yeah, it didn't really even phase me. I found it slightly funny then and even funnier now because Gammy probably doesn't even remember that.

So just keep in mind, sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you (unless you let them). So keep your head held high, stay confident, stick with your pack and if all else fails...have a shot of tequila ;)

That's What Friends Are For

Yeah, yeah...I realized this is my second blog in one day, but I'm making up for lost time. But really though, I had something on my mind and I had to get it out there.

Now, I realize I'm only 24 and I have a lot more to learn, but I feel like I've learned a lot about friendship and true colors over the last few years. So I'm going to share a bit of that with you.

It really annoys me when people sit around and wonder why they don't have friends...or maybe they have friends, but no one really wants to hang out with them. I've had a few of these friends in the past. You get what you give...meaning: you have to put some effort into a relationship to get something out of it. If you want them to treat you a certain way, you have to reciprocate that treatment.

I'm not talking about being available every second of everyday, but just knowing that if I REALLY need you, you'll drop what you're doing and be there, just like I would for you. Also...don't make promises you can't keep. I realize things happen, plans go awry sometimes, but I know some people who constantly say "oh, I'll come over later," or "I'll be there at 7." And then they're either super late or don't show up at all. Is it so hard to  send a text or Facebook message or--heaven forbid--call the person to say "I'm running late," or "Something came up, I can't make it?" Because I really don't find it that hard to pick up my phone and do so. With that being said, I've done that before, but ONLY to people who have done that to me on more than one occasion.

I have trust issues and this just adds to the problem. I can count on one hand the number of people I can trust at least 85% of the time. I have zero people on this earth who I trust 100%. This doesn't mean the rest of the people I don't trust at all, I just don't trust them as much.

Now most of you know that I'm not a high maintenance person when it comes to friends and family. I like being by myself, I like to stay home and be lazy. I'm not the type of person who wants to go somewhere every single time we hang out. I'm also not the type of person who wants to talk (or hear you talk) the ENTIRE time we're together. Turn the radio up in the car and sing at the top of your lungs for crying out loud. Take Amber for example, we can drive around all day long and maybe say two words to each other, not because we're mad, not because we don't have anything to say, just because nothing NEEDS to be said.

Like I said before, I don't need someone to be available every second of everyday. Yeah, I like attention (okay, I love attention), but I don't want it from you unless you're willing to give it to me. I'm not going to stand on my head and hold my breath to get you to give me a second glance. That's not who I amI like friends who are 100% comfortable to just sit at the house and watch movies sometimes. I like going places, but sometimes I just don't feel up to it. And if you're going to be annoyed by this, then we probably shouldn't be friends. If you're the one wanting to see me, you should probably come to me, I can't come to you every single time.

I have a long-distance relationship with most of my CLOSE friends. Amber and Kaitlin are the exception...and Kait isn't really an exception because she lives 3 hours away. And I know I don't put in as much as I should when it comes to our friendship because I rarely go to OKC, but when I do, we try to meet up. And when she comes home and has time, we like to hang out, even if that means sharing iTunes libraries at home or going to get snow cones (see what I mean by not being high maintenance).

Anyway, back to the long-distance thing. Some people think it's weird, but seriously 3 of my 5 closest friends live out of state and not just a state over, one of them is two states away, another is 3 states away and another lives in Rhode Island. It's just how things work for me. I think it's because those relationships aren't high maintenance friendships. I explained it once as they're not here on a daily basis to let me down, because the more you're around a person, the more likely you are to be let down by that person. Does that make sense? We talk A LOT, Twitter, Facebook, texting, phone calls...those are our only means of communications. When you have a busy life and your friends have a busy life, it's hard to meet up once a week or even once a month sometimes, but when you have a means of communication that is always open, things work a little better.

Another thing...neediness. It goes hand-in-hand with being a high maintenance friend. These type of people are constantly grasping at straws, trying to get someone to hang out with them. Now some people will take the bait, but not me. Usually the more a person is trying to connect with me, the more I push away. When you're stalking my Facebook to find out where I'm at or what I'm doing, just so you can get your foot in, you probably need to reassess our friendship. I don't want to be around anyone 24/7 or even 12/3.5 or...well, whatever half of 12/3.5 is. Once again, I'm just not that type of person. I get sick of people easily. And if you're constantly wanting me to come over, I'm probably not going to. If you want to hang out so bad, you can come by my house, I'm usually here, like I said, I don't like to leave.

Something else that bothers me, if you want to go do something so bad, don't rush me. If I'm going to just hang out at your house, I will come over with messy hair and no makeup. But if you're wanting to go shopping or something, you must be willing to wait at least an hour (usually longer) before I even think about walking out that door. If you're not, you probably should ask someone else.

I must say, I'm not the best friend...sometimes I'm not even a good friend at all, but I try. I put effort into my relationships, I keep my promises and I try not to bother people unless I have something to say. So if you're wanting to be in my good graces, you follow these few guidelines. I don't think they're too tedious.

Um, I think I covered everything that's been on my mind. Thanks for reading :)

Adventures of an Auntie

Wow...this has been a heck of a week.

It all started last Wednesday when I was working with my little Caiden. Amber texted me to tell me she was pretty sure it was time to head to the hospital. So as soon as Caiden's granny got home from running errands, I was out the door, headed home to tie up a few loose ends and grab my bags.

We got to the hospital around 7:30, got her all checked in and stuff, poor Amber was puking her guts up. She was super dehydrated because she had been sick most of the day. They gave her a shot for the nausea and started giving her fluids. Honestly, at this point, I was just thinking the contractions were caused from the dehydration and they would send her home. I'm pretty sure that's what everyone else was thinking too. But after sitting there for a few hours with contractions not dying down and Amber in a lot of pain, they realized she was dilating. So after a little more waiting, they finally gave her some pain medicine that knocked her smooth out.

Jack got up there about 11:30 and Amber's grandma came by for a little while. That whole night was kind of a blur. Amber was knocked out and Jack and I couldn't sleep. I stretched out in a recliner-like thing (wasn't as comfortable) and tried to sleep around 2 or so, but couldn't sleep. Around 5:30, Jack and I got hungry, so he went to McDonald's and got us some breakfast. We got our bellies full and around 6:30, we were finally able to fall asleep. That's when the dang anesthesiologist came barging in to do the epidural...Jack couldn't get out of there fast enough and I about passed out (but didn't) when he gave it to her.

More of the blurring happened, she was dilating slow, so they broke her water and gave her some pitocin to speed things up. Eventually, she made it to an 8...then they realized the baby's head wasn't where it was supposed to (yeah, why the heck didn't they check that hours before). So they got an ultrasound tech in there to figure out that Lizzy's head was near Amber's rib cage. Didn't even formally tell her she had to have a c-section, the nurse just came in and asked who was going to surgery with her. So after a quick debate, we decided Jack would go to surgery with her.

And at 1:41 PM on March 8th, Alyzabeth Shae was born. Shortly thereafter, Jack carried her to the nursery as I snapped pictures while we walked down the hall. Amber's mom and preacher were waiting on us when we got back to the labor & delivery ward. Lizzy was wide awake just looking around, content as could be. She weighed 6 pounds 4 ounces and was 19 inches long.

I had planned on staying the night with Amber because we didn't really know if Jack was going to. So when he decided to stay, I decided to go home and get some sleep. Jack had to leave for work at 6:30 the next morning and Amber could barely pick the baby up to change her diaper, so even though the nurses could help, we didn't want to leave her there alone, so we decided it would be best if I came back to sit with her. I think I went to bed around 7 that night...talk about tired.

So after Lizzy losing a few ounces, the on-call doctor for the weekend didn't want to release them. So I had Yazzie (and Riley, Jaxie and Lulu) most of the day on Monday. But finally on Monday evening, Amber's doctor let them go and I got to drive them home since Jack was at work. And since Jack had to work yesterday, that put Amber home with both girls by herself, so I went over to help her out and cook them dinner. Talk about a whirlwind of a week, This auntie is definitely exhausted, but I wouldn't change any of it (well, maybe the part of Lizzy being breach) for anything.